Respectful Kids
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Reviews
and Endorsements:
This
book is a well-written, systematic, biblical and
practical approach to teaching our children
respect. The "Key Points to Remember" and
"Taking the Next Step" sections are very
helpful. I enjoyed reading it, and think this
book is a must-read for every parent.
Diane Nielson, M.D. private practice
pediatrician
Brimming
with wise counsel, practical exercises, and focused
purpose, this excellent guide transcends all others
I have seen. Helpful for not only parents but
teachers as well.
Archibald D. Hart PhD, FPPR, dean emeritus and
senior professor, Graduate School of Psychology,
Fuller Theological Seminary
Dr. Todd
Cartmell encourages parents to deliver encouragement
with a bazooka. Pour it on and watch for the
Respectful Results.
Kendra
Smiley, popular conference speaker; author of Be the
Parent: Seven Choices You Can Make to Raise Great
Kids
Dr.
Cartmell's revolutionary new approach takes child
training far beyond simple obedience and discipline,
getting right to the heart of the matter: teaching
your child respect. The crucial skills learned here
will truly bring out the best in your child today
and for a lifetime. What an invaluable resource!
Kathleen Petit, mother of seven
Respectful Kids provides solid principles and sound
techniques in a humorous, accessible, practical way
that makes good parenting within reach for all of
us! Parents will feel empowered and hopeful that
they can become the kind of parent they have always
aspired to be.
Terri S. Watson, Psy.D., associate professor of
psychology, Wheaton College ; licensed clinical
psychologist
If you
are a parent who wants a more respectful
relationship with your child, study Dr. Cartmell's
book and practice the ideas together. This book is a
concise and accessible guide to better parent-child
interaction.
Anita E. Stauffer, PhD
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Content
and Excerpts:
Contents:
1.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out What It Means To You
Getting to the Heart of the Matter
Strategy
One: Teach Respectful Behavior
2. A
Quick Look in the Bathroom Mirror
Guess
Who’s Watching When You’re Not Looking?
3. Just
Say “Okay” and Do It!
The
Skill of Fast Listening
4. It’s
No Big Deal
The
Skill of Flexible Thinking
5. How
Can We Work This Out?
The
Skill of Problem Solving
Strategy
Two: Turn On Respectful Behavior
6.
Looking for Gold
The Art
of Making Respect Fun
7. The
Lesson of the Circles
The
Respect-Privilege Connection
8. Use
Your Bazooka
The
Pour-It-On Technique
9. Turn
On the Juice
Behavioral Contracts
Strategy
Three: Turn Off Disrespectful Behavior
10.
Caution: Student Driver
Keeping
Them on the Right Road
11. Time
to Think of a New Plan
Turning
Up the Power of Your Time-Out
12. When
the Fun Goes Down
Logical
Consequences for Disrespectful Behavior
13.
Let’s Try That Again
Positive
Practice for Positive Behavior
14. Bad,
Fast, Every Time
Responding Quickly and Consistently to Disrespectful
Behavior
15. Call
Off the SWAT Team
The
Bottom Line on Spanking
16. A
Demolition Expert or a Gardener
Smashing
Through Problems Versus Nurturing a Relationship
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Excerpt
from Chapter One: 1. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Find Out
What It Means To You
Getting
to the Heart of the Matter
In my
work as a family counselor, I have the privilege of
meeting all kinds of children, many of whom are
wrestling with issues related to respect. One such
child was Jimmy, a likeable blond-haired, blue-eyed,
freckle-faced ten-year-old whose parents knew they
needed to make some changes.
During
our first session, when I usually meet with just
parents, John and Renee (Jimmy’s parents) sat on the
overstuffed blue couch in my office and filled me in
on the situation.
“What
are your main concerns about Jimmy?” I asked, ready
to start scribbling on my legal pad.
“Where
do I begin?” Renee replied with a note of humor as
she rolled her eyes.
“Just
tell him what Jimmy does,” encouraged John.
“Well,
it’s more what he doesn’t do,” Renee said. “He just
doesn’t listen. When I ask him to do something, he
either ignores me or just tells me he’s not going to
do it. Not all the time…but too often. And if I push
him on it—watch out—it can be World War III. He
yells and stomps up the stairs; he even hits his
sister if she gets in his way.”
“He
doesn’t always throw fits, but when he does, they’re
big ones,” John added. “Sometimes it’s hard to
even get him to go to his room for a timeout. It can
be a huge battle.”
“What do
you usually do then?” I asked.
Renee
sighed. “We’ve tried everything. We’ve shouted,
sent him to his room, taken privileges away, and
grounded him. I can’t think of anything else to take
away. Nothing seems to make any difference.”
Problem: Their old style of discipline wasn’t
working.
Solution: They needed a new approach for
teaching respectful behavior.
Can you
relate to John and Renee’s frustration? If so, I
have great news for you: it is possible to
teach our kids to be respectful—without resorting to
desperate parenting tactics. But first we need to
take a fresh look at our parenting approach. What
is the best way to raise respectful kids?
Let’s
answer that question by considering God’s divine
guidance through the wisest man of his time, perhaps
of all time: Solomon. He wrote one of the most
significant parenting verses in all of Scripture:
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he
is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
You may
notice that Solomon does not tell us to
discipline our kids in the way they should go.
He says to train them in the way they should
go. This is a very important distinction. The idea
of training and teaching our children is woven
throughout Scripture. In the first chapter of
Proverbs, Solomon writes, “Listen, my son, to your
father’s instruction, and do not forsake your
mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 1:8, emphasis
added). Paul picks up the same theme when he writes,
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead
bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4,
emphasis added).
Our main
role as a parent is that of a trainer, not a
disciplinarian. Now, discipline is an important part
of training, to be sure. But discipline is only
one part of training, not the whole enchilada.
And, like Jimmy’s parents, many of us mistakenly
focus too much on discipline, relying on negative
consequences as our primary tactic rather than
teaching and motivating our children to be
respectful. This is the biggest strategic mistake we
can make. Not only does it take our time and energy
from other valuable training approaches, it also
reduces our effectiveness in the long run.
My goal
in this book is to help you bring out the best in
your child by refocusing your parenting efforts on
training your child to be respectful. You’re
already familiar with sports coaches, business
coaches, success coaches, and life coaches. Well,
we’re adding a new one to the list: You’re going to
become your child’s respect coach. Respectful
Kids will serve as your coach’s handbook,
complete with everything you need in order to help
your child win at the game of respect. In the
chapters to follow, you’ll learn how to put into
action a simple step-by-step plan for teaching your
child to handle any family situation
respectfully. This plan incorporates three simple
yet extremely effective training strategies to
increase your child’s respectful behavior while
simultaneously decreasing your child’s disrespectful
behavior. And as you’ll see, two-thirds of our
efforts will rely on training that takes place
before the problem rather than simply reacting
to the problem when it happens.
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it
Available at all Christian
bookstores
Link to:
Amazon.com
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