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Content and Excerpts:

Contents:

• Introduction: Where do Sibling Problems Come From?
• SECTION ONE: PREPARE THE SOIL
  
  • Step One: Create a Strong Family Bond
    
  • Step Two: Connect With Each Child
    
  • Step Three: Eliminate Comparing, Labeling, & Competition
    
  • Step Four: Require Sibling Respect
    
• SECTION TWO: PLANT THE SEED
  
  • Step Five: Improve Sibling Communication
    
  • Step Six: Step Toward Solutions
    
  • Step Seven: Teach Sibling Survival Skill
• SECTION THREE: PROVIDE THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT
  
  • Step Eight: Reinforce Positive Sibling Behavior
    
  • Step Nine: Use Sibling Consequences That Work
    
  • Step Ten: Put Them on the Same Team
    
• Conclusion: Seeing Your Roses Through the Thorns
• Family Time Discussion Guides:

  #1: Our First Family Time
  #2: You Are a Special Part of Our Family
  #3: God Has Big Plans for You - pictures
  #4: The Family Respect Rule
  #5: Say it the Right Way, Right Away
  #6: Take Turns Talking
  #7: Suggest a Solution
  #8: Watch Out For Hazards - pictures
  #9: Let's Solve This Problem
  #10: Responding to Sibling Aggravation
  #11: Sharing
  #12: Taking Turns
  #13: Being Flexible
  #14: I Forgive You
  #15: Our Family Check-up

• Practice Makes Perfect Sample Responses
• Notes
  

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Excerpt from Step Four: Require Sibling Respect

Ask yourself this question: In what environment is a close sibling relationship most likely to develop? A hostile and aggressive environment? One where a sibling gets away with murder (at the other's expense) on a regular basis? One where name-calling, teasing, and hitting are the norm?

Probably not.

There is one word that characterizes the environment that can best foster close sibling relationships.

Respectful.

Children are far more likely to want to become friends with a sibling who regularly treats them respectfully than with a sibling who regularly insults, hits, and teases them. In fact, most of the behaviors that result in sibling conflict can be directly linked to a lack of respect. Teasing. Name-calling. Using a siblings possessions without permission. Put-downs. Not stopping when a sibling asks you to stop. Ignoring. Physical aggression.

All of these are disrespectful behaviors. If you had an acquaintance who regularly treated you this way, chances are you would not be inviting him or her home to dinner any time soon. Similarly, a family environment where these behaviors run rampant is a place where sibling relationships will wither and die, not flourish and grow.

The Family Respect Rule

You can require that your children treat each other respectfully. As I talk with parents in my daily work, I find that an incredible amount of disrespectful behavior goes on everyday between their children. Worse yet, this behavior often goes unaddressed, sometimes even unnoticed, within the everyday commotion of herding everyone into the car and getting the daily homework done.

One way to bring the issue of respect to the forefront for your children is to establish The Family Respect Rule. The rule goes as follows:

The reason that this family respect rule is so important is that it sets the standard for how people are to treat each other in your family. It clearly states that there is never a time when treating another person disrespectfully is acceptable. Period. No matter what time of day, who said what, who went into who's room, or who used who's things without asking.

The biblical truth that undergirds this rule of respect is that every person in your family was created by God and is of great value to Him. Jesus' death on the cross testifies to the value that God has bestowed on each of us. It is God's intention that we treat each other respectfully, not that we hurt each other with our words or actions. We are commanded to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience (Colossians 3:12). That list leaves no room for disrespect.

As persons created by God, each of you are valued and important members of your family. You want to have a family that has fun together, enjoys each other's company, and walks as a close-knit group through the joys and trials of life. This kind of family (and sibling) bonding will only happen in an environment that places a high value on respect.

Each person in your family can be expected to learn (over time) to handle things that don't go their way and to express their thoughts and feelings in a respectful way. This is not to say that there will not be mistakes, indeed their will. The Family Respect Rule is the "ideal," the goal you are working towards. None of us will ever accomplish it perfectly all of the time. But when it is broken, everyone knows that the problem is not that a person felt angry, but that they chose to express their feelings or handle a situation in a way that violated a valuable family relationship.

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Family Time Dicussion Guide Pictures

Click on each link below and print out your Family Time Discussion Guide pictures. Each image should be printed on individual pages.

Excerpt taken from Keep the Siblings, Lose the Rivalry, by Todd Cartmell. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House, copyright 2003. All rights to this material are reserved and may not be used without written permission from Zondervan Publishing House.

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